My Heart...My Poems

Try to Pray

2011-03-26T17:29:00.000-05:00

Knees bent, head bowed, hands clasped
I try to pray
But what do I say
Where do I start
What if I do it wrong
Is there a wrong way to pray?
What if I come across all wrong
Will He doubt me?
Do I talk or just confess
Plead for mercy or just sit
Lost in all of my questions
What if I make Him promises
Then take them back
Surely He'll get mad at me
But will He trust me enough
To forgive me again
Maybe I should
Just read the Bible instead
That is worship
But not a relationship with God
Everyone has to have one
So I need to work on mine
But what if I say something wrong
What if He doesn't believe me?
What if, What if, What if?
That's all I can seem to think
How is this going to help
Me grow in Christ?
Simple actually, it won't...
God loves me
Why didn't I remember that?
I need Him
No doubts about it
So I shouldn't worry
He made me with great care
So why in my time of need
Would he turn His back on me?
He won't
So once again I bow my head
And try to pray
And this time I let it all go
For I believe that prayer
Is the most powerful form of worship
And like I said, He loves me
So no worries

Do Feel

2011-02-27T00:34:00.000-06:00

Inside I feel as if we are falling apart
And I am the one to blame
I don't know if you have sensed it
But this is the way I feel
I try to stop it
You know I love you
But I feel as if you are slipping through my fingers
And away from my heart
I feel helpless and useless
There is nothing I can do or say
To stop these feelings from coming
But I guess that I should feel lucky
That my heart still feels at all

Haunted

2011-02-27T00:28:00.000-06:00

Sitting here all alone
Thinking back to those haunting words
I can't seem to get them out of my mind
Wondering what they mean
And why they were said
I can't help but think the speaker hates me
Or feel like I will ruin your life
I never want to lose you
But I don't want to feel guilty for holding you back
I am scared that I am slowly losing you
Worried that I am dying inside
His words are draining me
He is tearing me apart
And doesn't even realize it
So please talk to me
Tell me it will all be okay
Cause somehow I always believe
The loving words you speak to me
Wipe away my tears and tell me you love me
Make me feel whole again
Bring back the passion
Don't let him tear us apart
Alone, I am not strong enough
But together I believe we can overcome
Lets stop those haunting words
That imply I will someday ruin you
Or cause your untimely death
So save me from myself

Remember

2011-02-27T00:19:00.000-06:00

I remember when long ago
All I could do was dream
Of finding true love

I remember when long ago
My wrists sorrowfully showed my pain
As did yours

I remember when long ago
Life held no meaning
I felt as if I was being forced to play a game

I remember when long ago
I felt as if my closest friends
Were abandoning me

I remember when long ago
Alcohol became a dear friend
As I tried to drink away my sorrows

I remember when long ago
You stepped into my life
And managed to change all of that

Later I will remember
How good it felt
For your love to fill my heart

Not Him

2011-02-27T00:05:00.000-06:00

I sing the hymns, they sound so sweet
They touch the deepest parts of me
So tell me why I think about you
And not Him

I hear a voice that sounds so near
'I love you' is what it says
So tell me why I hear you
And not Him

I picture walking through those pearly gates
Following the golden roads
So tell me why I'm walking with you
And not Him

At times I feel so lonely
I call out for help and strength
So tell me while I call to you
And not Him

He is supposed to be put first in my life
But somehow he seems to fall second
So tell my why my number one is you
And not Him

I try to love Him
But I feel as if I'd be abandoning you
So tell me why I'm telling you
And not Him

I've tried to explain
Why you seem to mean so much more
I figure I've just grown
Too dependent of your love
So somehow I will have to make it up to Him
For I will not be ashamed of showing my love to you
And not Him

A Quick Thing

2011-02-26T23:55:00.000-06:00

The pressure is unbearable
But I can't figure out why
I want to keep trying
Because I love you so much
But every time it makes me cry
And still I don't know why

I know you love me, I love you too
Its supposed to be something special
But somehow the stress
Caused by a lack of time
Makes me feel dirty inside
And still I don't know why

It feels good after the initial pain fades
But it doesn't seem to be enough
Somehow the tension doesn't go away
And still I don't know why

Uncontrollably the tears begin to fall
I just don't know how to stop them
They make me feel empty inside
And still I don't know why

Afterwards you have to leave me
That I understand
Then I call you
To hear you say you love me
And that I really do mean something special to you
I listen to you because I trust you
I believe you wouldn't tell me lies
Hearing your voice
And all of the loving things you say
It always makes me feel so much better
About us and what we've done
But then I know why

I guess I just need more time to prepare
Quick fits of passion
Are more than I can stand
The stress has proved to be too much
But whenever a chance comes along
When time is on our side
I will be glad to make love to you
And share more than just a quick thing

Someday

2011-02-26T22:00:00.000-06:00

Someday we will look back
On what is now our uncertain future
Try to look past the bad times
And remember the good
I hope we can succeed
So why can't we do that now
Right at this very moment
We know it is possible
So why can't we believe
Maybe because the bad times
Are currently out weighing the good
But together they will make our future
The best it can possibly be
So in the end when we stop to look back
The bad times will have turned into good ones
For the sake of our love and friendship
To stand against the test of time
So I will love you through the good and the bad
So that I will be given a chance
To love you forever

Why

2011-02-26T21:51:00.000-06:00

I keep asking myself
Why does he love me? Me of all people?
But then I ask, why do I love him?
And why can't I see myself without him?
Why has my life changed to revolve solely around him?
All of these questions and I have no answers
No reasons as to why
I guess we'll just never know
This raises another question
How do we stay together?
I guess because we know what we have is real
I am sure you are asking
How can we be sure of that?
I say because of our experience and intuition
Tells us it can be
All of these unanswered questions
Stir conflict from time to time
But we have learned that after
The things we didn't mean to say have settled
And we have long forgotten
The things we didn't mean to do
The only thing that remains
Is our love for one another
And I believe that is enough
To thrive on for the rest of our lives

Matchmaker

2011-02-26T21:41:00.000-06:00

Many people spend their entire lives
Searching for their one true love
Their soul mate
Well I can say that I am truly blessed
I have already found my match
My one and only true love
I was sent an angel from heaven
He saved me from self-destruction
He has shown and taught me things
I would have never learned
If he had not come into my life
The great matchmaker in the sky
Sent him to me for a very special reason
Because he is who I need to meet
Us falling in love
Might have been part of His great plan
The plan that is still in progress
But all I know is I am very glad
To be madly in love with you
And to be loved in return
I suppose it is fair to say
That our great matchmaker
Who is watching us from above
Knows what He is doing
Hopefully He has planned for us to last
To wed and grow old together
So please matchmaker
I think I have met my match
So I ask if I can keep him
For as long as I possibly can
Because I have become lost in his love
And I never want
To have to suffer through life
Without him again

Memory Or Reality

2011-02-26T21:27:00.000-06:00

My love for you will last forever
Even if someday I am no longer in love with you
Or am no longer yours
There will still be a part of my heart
That will never let go of you
You will always be a precious memory
Even though I hope
You will remain my sweet reality
I say all of this to show you
What you mean to me
You mean more than you'll ever know
I love you and I wish
For you to someday be my groom
But if my wedding day comes
And me and you have faded away
Know that when I look deep into his eyes
At least for one brief moment
I will see your face
And think how I still love you
But at this moment our love is strong
And I wish to see you standing at the alter
As I slowly walk to meet you
However we cannot predict our fate
We just have to take our risks
And go as far as we possibly can
Before our sweet time comes to an end
No matter what the circumstances might be
So please stay with me
As long as your heart allows
Even though
You will always remain a precious memory
I long for you to stay
My sweet reality

Saint Valentine

2011-02-26T14:48:00.000-06:00

Once again the day has come
The day society uses to celebrate love
But this time our love
Means so much more
It is our second Valentine's Day together
And this time I feel it is
So much more important that the first
Our first Valentine's Day
We had just begun our new relationship
But now a year later things have changed
We are more than just best friends
We are lovers and soul mates
And I believe I am truly blessed
To be entering this love dedicated holiday
Once again with you
Cause you are the only one
Extraordinary enough to fill
That place in my heart
So to tell you once again
I am in love with you
My lovely valentine

Back To You

2011-02-26T14:36:00.000-06:00

I feel like I'm falling
Right back into that deep black hole
Once more I'm reaching out
Screaming for someone to help me
I look up at you pleading desperately
Wanting you to catch me
And pull me back to you
I watch you reach out to me
But your grasp falls short
Your face is all I can see
And you look so very scared
Scared for me and my safety
Here recently you just haven't been able
To be there for me like you used to
As you continue to reach out for me
It slowly starts to sink in
But don't think
That any of this is your fault
Instead I believe
Those closest to us are trying to rip us apart
They have turned against us
And are doubting our love
Our bond has been stretched and strained
But no matter how tense our situation becomes
I will always reach out for you
Because I know that you will never
Let me hit rock bottom
I know that no matter what happens
You love me
And you will always bring me back to you

Fault

2011-02-26T14:30:00.000-06:00

I know that enough time has passed
For me to accept the consequences
We are having to face
But everyday I have to go
Without seeing you or hearing your voice
The pain of that day hits me once again
Stronger each time
I feel as if it was all my fault
We both knew better
But the temptation was just too great
We will have to pay for it for quite some time
I know you blame yourself
I wish there was a way I could change that
But instead I found a more peaceful way to look at it
I have decided that both of us are at fault
Only not for what you think
It is not our fault for breaking the rules
But for being so caught up in our love
I have searched my whole life
For a love as pure as yours
So no matter what happens
Our love will make all of the consequences
More than worthwile
All we have to do is hold on
And no one will be able to punish us
For our love ever again
And for the first time
We will be free

Let It Go

2011-02-26T14:21:00.000-06:00

Once again I have been struggling
I try to open up
And everyone simply tells me
To give it up to God
Most of the time I do
But there is still one thing
I just haven't been able to give up quite yet
That one thing would happen to be us
We have our fair share of troubles and trials
But I just can't seem to let them go
I am afraid that if I do
I will lose you forever
I am afraid that God will ultimately decide
We are not right for one another
How do I ever get over my fear
God is my savior
So do I let myself lay all my trust in Him
I know it isn't always easy
But everyone seems to be against us
Society things we've lost our minds
Statistics say we'll never last
All I want is to fight
Fight all of their doubt and harsh ridicule
So I cannot find the will to let it all go
I want to hold our love dear
If only I would listen just long enough
To know that God won't hurt me
I should know that but I just find it hard to believe
But I will work on it for I have learned
That without God we will never make it
And life without you
Would be no life at all

Stone Walls

2011-02-26T14:08:00.000-06:00

I used to be a locked up soul
With cold stone walls
Built up to protect my heart
I thought I needed them
And that I was doing myself a favor
I didn't want to let people in
On my dark hidden secrets
But somehow you slipped through the cracks
And forever changed my life
You tore down those walls
Without even blinking an eye
You somehow melted the coldness
That had taken over my heart
I've told you personal things
That no one else will ever know
I now realize those walls were keeping me
From truly living
You opened my eyes
And now I will never be the same
I am now the person I want to be
I am the person
Destined to spend my life with you
And that is all I want to be
You are the only think I have found
Worth living for
You own my heart
And that is how I want it to be
Because you are the only one
To ever get through those walls
And now I never want you to leave

You

2011-02-26T11:27:00.000-06:00

You are my...
first love
soul mate
only lover
best friend
great protector
true love
favorite high

You have the power to...
cheer me up
change my day
bring a smile to my face
make me laugh
work out my knots
make me fall in love all over again
turn my dreams into reality

To me you are...
all I've ever wanted
absolutely perfect
all I'll ever need
my other half
someone who loves me for who I am
my sole inspiration
the only man I'll ever love

That Place

2011-02-26T11:22:00.000-06:00

No matter how honest a person seems to be
There are always things you don't know
They may simply hide things
Or lie to those closest to them
From experience I have learned
There are things you don't tell strangers
And other things that it is best
For those you love not to know
But I have found a place
Where I can be my true and honest self
In that place I can express anything
From tears of sadness to tears of joy
I can let it all go and never be ashamed
Or fear I might have to face some horrible consequence
In that place
Being myself is the only thing I am expected to be
I have found that I love that place
No other place could compare
To the comfort, hope and peace
I feel in my wonderful place
That place is my own, I do not have to share
Cause that place is wrapped in your arms
The arms that will hold me tight
Until the end of time

Complicated

2011-02-25T22:56:00.000-06:00

My love for you is of complicated sorts
But still I love you
More than anyone else ever could
I say complicated for many different reasons
At times I love you without a shadow of a doubt
And at other times the fears creep in
Fears that for a moment
Corrupt me and try to tell me that we will never last
That our love will fade in time
They lie to me and for a moment
I find myself foolishly believing them
But then my mind discovers the unwanted visitors
The fears are forced to flee
Reality sets back in and reminds me of our love
The love that will always drive out the fears
I will remain confident through it all
Arguements, angry silences, happy snapshots,
Laughing to the point of tears
And every moment in between
Love is a great and wonderful power
And in the end, love will conquer all

What They Say

2011-02-25T22:43:00.000-06:00

Everyone around us
Keeps saying the same thing
Something that I have grown
Tired of hearing
Over and over again
No matter how they word it,
Meant it or want it to take place
They keep saying
That we have become too serious
Too foolish in our love
That we need a break from each other
A cool down period
To reconsider what we've started
And where we're going
Our chances of standing strong
Against the world
To stay together forever
That we are setting ourselves up
For disaster or heartbreak
When our love stops shinning
To be honest
I used to believe
What they had to say
Doubts and fears sprouted inside me
But now I believe
There is nothing
That could ever break our bond
Everything we have gone through
Good and bad
Has changed the basis of who we are
As individuals and as a couple
I also believe
That this change has made us stronger
So strong that I am ready
For me and you to stand up
Against the world
Even if all we do is teach them
What dedicated love is supposed to be
Because I believe
That with you by my side
I can do whatever it takes
To overcome the difficult
Heart wrenching conflicts
Because to spend the rest of my life with you
I will do anything and everything it takes
Even if friendship is all we are destined for
When the end comes
And eternity is all we have left
A life as friends is better
Than a life without you at all

Stand Strong

2011-02-25T21:39:00.000-06:00

I have all of this pent up anger
So much I wish I could say
Get off my chest
But deep inside it must stay
It would only make things worse
Than what they already are
I know that sounds impossible
But I know better
My anger is a blade
Cut deep into my heart
My wrists are crying out
To show my pain
In a physical way
They tempt me every day
But strong I shall stand
Because you are standing strong too
I made you promise and I promised
But still I am surrounded
By anger and tears
I look around and all I see is you
And the great mistake we've made
For so long you won't be there
To hold me when I need you
But for you and only you
I will stand strong
Because the edge of that black hole
Is creeping near
I know with time
You will be here
To rescue me once more

Punishment

2011-02-25T21:31:00.000-06:00

Once again we've been seperated
This time longer than before
And while I know it could be much worse
All I can feel is empty inside
My tears have poured
And drained me of emotion
I am numb from fear
But still, at the thought of you
My eyes begin to tear up once more
And my mind begins to race
With all of these thoughts of what was said
And how it was said
The punishment that you recieved
Then I realize they're punishing me too
Taking you away from me
Is the worst kind of punishment
And that is exactly what they have done
You are afraid that you will fall
Well so am I
But we have to remember
God has a plan
And however things turn out
It will be for the best
Do not lose hope for our love is strong
And will carry us through
Until the happy times return once more

Reply

2011-02-25T21:25:00.000-06:00

I have prayed so many times
Down on my knees,
Hands clasped tight and head knelt
Slowly I sink deep into thought
Only wishing for a simply answer
To an even simpler question
That has followed me from day one
Or I suppose I should say
The day you looked deep into my eyes
And for the first time
Radiated the passion of love
Instead of just friendship
Love I already felt so strong
My question is only this:
How did we find a love so true?
Rare in a world where society
Has become so selfish and cold
I have bowed down before our Lord
And I have never been answered
Each time the same reply comes
He simply tells me to calm my doubts
Cause a question implies doubts
And to just be grateful
That I have found your love
Love enough to save two vulnerable lives
Through this life altering experience
I have found that God
Shouldn't be doubted
I now believe that prayer
Is one of the best ways to shorten the gap
Between hearts of worship
For true loves only occurs
When those hearts love God first

Blank

2011-02-25T21:10:00.000-06:00

I truly am at a loss for words
That is how amazing your love is to me
I am sitting here trying to think
But all I can think about is you
You consume my every thought
At times my mind goes blank
The extent of what you do to me
Is truly unexplainable
Words could never do justice
For the bond we have together
We have loved each other
Through good times and bad,
Meeting family and making life long friends
We have been through so much
And have so much more to come
So I guess I proved myself wrong
My mind wasn't blank after all

Mirror On the Wall

2011-02-25T21:06:00.000-06:00

In your mirror you see your reflection
As you do in any other mirror
But in reality
Every mirror has its own story
And has seen everything you choose to show it
Some have seen morbid, bloody scenes
Murder, suicide and arson
But have also seen joyful moments
Such as marriage and child birth
Your mirror sees far beyond you
It sees everything you do
So I believe now is the time
Sit back and ask yourself
What has your mirror seen?
No matter how many endless times
You thought you were all alone
You weren't
So next time you are in despair
Look around for that mirror
Your reflection may save you

Your Eyes

2011-02-25T20:53:00.000-06:00

Your eyes are like small crystal balls
They try to show only what they want
But if someone special looks deeply into them
Which for you, only I can do
They see everything
Your feelings, dreams, future and determination
Your courage, bravery, fears, and weaknesses
All it takes is one quick glance
And I can see everything
Just by looking in your eyes
Many times I've seen myself
And who I've always wished to be
You tell me that in your eyes
I am perfect
Amazingly I believe you
But only because when you look into mine
You reflect that image
And for that I thank you
Because with one look
You make me feel better
Than I ever have before
And no one else
Has been able to do that before

Uniquely Perfected

2011-02-25T20:44:00.000-06:00

For as long as I can remember
I have been seeking
To find a perfect man
The man of my dreams
I often found myself drifting off
Into my own imaginary place
To conjure up a special list
As list of all the qualities
This man should ultimately possess
I have kept this list locked away
Far from reach until now
I never in a million years
I imagined I would ever meet a man
Who would have the ability
To turn all of my far fetched fantasies
Into a wonderful reality
But I met you and you did just that
I now drift away
With a brand new sole purpose
My special place is now dedicated
To piecing together the wonderful journey
Of the rest of our lives
Now meant to be spent in unison
For as long as God will allow
All because you looked deep into my eyes
The night we first met
And forever touched my soul
You saved me like no one else could
And complete me
Just like I dreamed some man could
I am glad it was you
I now realize
That no one person is capable of perfection
But you are perfect for me
Imperfections and weakness, strengths and love
Uniquely combined to create the man
I have dreamed of for all time
I admit we have moments when clouds roll in
And hide the passion for one another
We both have our flaws
But together as a couple
We fulfill the expectations
Of a perfect person
While sharing the responsibilites
Through our love for one another
Because God would have it so
He knows better than any mortal man
That if not for our love
We would be lost
Because when we met
Thoughts of suicide and self inflicted pain
Had consumed our mind
Nearly beyond a point of turning back
So together we achieved
An almost impossible representation of perfection
We must say thank you
To the Lord our God
He has given us the gift
Of love and life

The Reason Why

2011-02-25T20:19:00.000-06:00

In today's time
Young love has a tendency to fail
No matter how strong
They thought their feelings were
This failure can be the result
Of many different scenarios played out

They can grow apart
And come to want different things from life
Their relationship could evolve
Into something purely sexual
They could face objection from their families
Which could tear them apart
They could reach a mutual agreement
That their feelings have changed
Or disappeared all together

I know I have listed many things
That can inevitably go wrong
But the scary thought
Is that my list is only a few
Of the multiple possibilities

I only say this to warn my peers
As to what could lie ahead
For their mind and heart

I fear that my horrible examples
Will take place in our own relationship
I've often tried to put
The negative feelings aside
But often times doing that
Causes me to pull away from you
The man who loves me most

I hide those feelings
And the following horrible events take place
You touch me and I flinch
You kiss me and I pull away
You look at me with that longing look
And I turn away

I felt I must explain all of this
Because after all is said and done
I start to feel guilty
For thinking, and physically pulling away
From your love
All because of a silly paranoid fear

I am asking for your forgiveness
And future understanding
As to why I sometimes become
An all together different person
I am truly sorry
Because until the day we wed
I'm sure my fears will come and go

Behind the Silence

2011-02-25T19:52:00.000-06:00

Here lately I feel
That all we've done is argue
So now when a disagreement arises
I grow deathly silent
And you wonder why
I wanted to tell you
Why it is I grow so silent
So now
I am writing this poem
To let you know how I feel
When we argue
Or have a small disagreement
Your voice sounds so sad
Hearing your voice like that
Brings up feeling
I don't believe I've ever felt
So strong before

At the first sound of your upset voice
I feel like my heart
Is being torn from my chest
And with every word you say
My suffering heart is ripped
Into a million little pieces
Over and over again

I know this sounds extreme
But these bitter words
Don't even begin to do justice
For the hurt I feel about your dispare
When I was lost in all of my tears
I couldn't find the words
To express all of this to you

Now that you've been told
The reason for my desperate silence
I hope you understand
Or at least forgive me
For my resistance to argue with you
I do not know
How many more times I can stand
My heart being ripped from my chest

I love you
And would do anything for you
So please try to understand
I'd rather not have you break my heart
For I know that is not what you want to do
Because I know you love me too

Deep Dark Secrets

2011-02-25T19:40:00.000-06:00

Every person has their secrets
Deep dark secrets
That they save to share
With that one special person
And that person alone

I suppose you
Are my one special person
You know things about me
That I have never told any other
Secrets that could change
How my closest friends see me

I have my fair share
Of those secrets and memories
And so do you
Secrets that others
Can't even comprehend

The only difference
Between our secrets and others
Is that we have shared
Them all with each other
And will until the end

Our secrets have
A lot in common
We have been through
Many similar things
In our short lifetime

However,
The damage done by those memories
Can't be compared
Because every person handles things
In their own different ways

I believe the damage
Has been more traumatic
To me than to you
For my memories
Will haunt me forever

Yet you always manage
To understand just exactly
What I'm going through
At any given moment
No matter what

You just know
Exactly what to say and do
To make my smile
The smile that you love
Faintly appear on my face

And if even for a moment
You feel
That it was more than worthwhile
And just because
You love me

You love me just for me
And who I am
And what I wish to become
All of my dreams and plans
For my future

You feel all of this
Just for me and only me
True everlasting, unconditional love
And you promise
You always will

The way I feel
When you touch me
Or look at me in that special way
It takes my breath away
Feelings like that can't be explained

Words won't ever do justice
For any feeling I have
And will ever feel toward you
For the rest
Of our lives together

That bond, our special bond,
Means the absolute world to me
And always will
As long as we both shall live
And longer still

Bonds like that never fade
But instead, continue to grow
And develop stronger connections
As time slowly goes along
For true love never dies

I am glad, so very glad,
We share our deepest secrets
And most damaging memories
With one another
For every untold tale is an empty hole

After enough time has come and gone
Empty holes turn into broken dreams,
Failed wishes,
And eventually a very cold
And lonely heart

My heart is filled
With so much joy
Because I know I have been blessed
With a once in a lifetime chance
To spend the rest of my life with you

I think of you
And all sorts of feelings flood my mind
And my heart of hearts
But the most powerful feeling
Is love, pure and undying love
To be shared with you

All of this, all of these thoughts
Floating around in my joyful
Jumbled mind
And still you love me
More than anything else

Just You

2011-02-25T14:07:00.000-06:00

I used to think I would never need a man
I guess in some ways that still hold true
But there is one big difference
I don't need just any man
I need you

Before I met you I thought I was happy
I thought my life had meaning
However, I was horribly wrong
You came into my life and my soul
You made everything ten times better
Than it had ever been before

You've made me feel
Things I have never felt before
You kiss me and I melt
You place your hand on the small of my back
As we walk together
And I feel this amazing sense
Of peace and comfort

All of this to love and enjoy
For as long as we live
And you saved it all for me
How amazing you are in so many ways
And yet you remain mine
And only mine
I love you so very much
From now until always

Obsessed

2011-02-25T13:55:00.000-06:00

I am in love with you
So much that all I think about
Is how much I care for you
Many think I'm obsessed
Others think that I'm crazy
That very well might be
But if it doesn't bother you
Then I don't mind
Being labeled insane
All for the sake of love
You say you'll never leave
So I do not worry
About having my heart broken
I think it is a wonderful thing
That I have been consumed by love
For what is better to be consumed by
Than the greatest emotion of them all
...LOVE!

Your Arms

2011-02-25T13:42:00.000-06:00

There are times when I get frustrated
With things you've said
Or because of things you've done

There are times when I
Do the same thing to you
I upset you just the same

But at any given moment
No matter what else is going on
In your arms is the only place I want to be

With a simple touch of your hand
A wonderful feeling of peace
Comes over me

No other joyful experience
Could ever replace that feeling of peace
Nothing else could compare
To the simplicity of our love

You make me feel so very safe
When I am in your arms
You are my great protector

Your loving touch makes it seem
Like the world stops turning
And our love is all that ever seems to matter

When we embrace I feel as if
We are the only souls in existance
In the universe that surrounds us

These are the moment that I will treasure
For the rest of my life
As long as I'm with you

On This Rare Occasion

2011-02-25T13:23:00.000-06:00

I know you love me, I really do
But there are still times
You leave me feeling so very alone
And desperate to simply hear
That you care
Even though I know you do

You say you'll wait for me
Then something happens,
I don't know what,
And you leave me anyway

It hurts deep down inside
I start to cry lonely tears
Tears of pain, doubt and fear
Run down my face every single time
Taking my eyeliner for a ride

You put me through all of this
Yet you know it is wrong
You just need to realize
The affect you have on me and my emotions
But I still know you love me
Somehow I can still feel it

Just know I'm not writing this to hurt you
Only to let you know
How you make me feel sometimes
Despite the love we share

For you've told me many times
You want to know if you've upset me
Well to be honest,
This is one of the rare times that you do

Please forgive me
If I came across all wrong
I just had to let you know
I don't know if I can handle
It happening again anytime soon

Just keep in mind
I still love you with my everything
Regardless of all I have said

You have already been forgiven
But I beg of you
Please don't leave
Me out in the cold again

Demons

2011-02-25T13:11:00.000-06:00

Many people face demons
For some it is a simple matter
Of everyday life
For others it is a life altering
Sometimes even life ending experience
Even though people believe
They face these demons alone
It affects everyone around them
I fear my demons have been a little kinder
Maybe even a little less complicated
Than I have heard other demons have been
My demons were just struggles
With certain aspects of life
While for some demons have been Hell sent
Servants of the Devil himself
Fighting to take over their life
Their very being
I find this quite unfair
For why should others deserve
To face such demons
When most of us only struggle
With everyday conflicts of life
Things that are much easier to fix
Than an evil spirit invading our body
And ending our life
Please tell me why
I need to know
Because I know that they deserve better
And no one should have to end like that
Especially when their spirit
Is purer than mine

Apology

2011-02-25T12:48:00.000-06:00

Here lately I have given and impression
The impression that I am doubting our love
For this I am truly sorry
I am writing this to tell you
That I love you with my everything
And I cannot wait
To spend the rest of my life with you
The only reason I am voicing doubts
Doubts that are so horrible,
So very scary, that I felt I had to say
That they are only there because
Everyone seems to be against us
I know how I feel about you
And I know those feelings are returned
I am just afraid, so very afraid,
That they will pull us away anyway
I can honestly say at this very moment in time
And for the rest of my life
I feel as if I could not stand
To live without you by my side
I would end my life in a heartbeat
For that is all it would take
If they were to tell us we had to end
This wonderful thing we have
I hope you can forgive me
For all of the negative things I have said
I never meant to give the impression
That I no longer care because I do
More than you'll ever know
So please forgive me
And always remember that I love you
With all of my heart, soul and being
And always will

Outcome Unknown

2011-02-24T21:04:00.000-06:00

In the beginning things were perfect
Our feelings had never yet been doubted
But now it seems
While things still seem great
Shadows have been cast
Rapidly covering the faith
And all of the false hope
That things would never change
Well things are changing
The outcome is not so clear
But I know we will have to fight these shadows
Maybe for just a little while
Maybe even forever
This is why I struggle
With the constant internal war
Raging on inside my heart
Because no one ever me
I would have to fight
The darkest of shadows
Horrid fears and doubts
For the truest of all loves
All the while, having the world
Ready and waiting for us to give up
What gives this world
This lonely and desolate world
The right to judge us
And all because we want to see the light
The light of eternal peace
At the far end of the tunnel of life
But amazingly despite all of the bad
That must inevitably come with the good
I expect to see that wonderful light
At the very end of that tunnel
With you still standing by my side
Our love really can, and will pull us through
To the happiest of ends after all

Bible Verses

2011-02-24T20:16:00.000-06:00

The Bible has many verses
Covering almost every emotion or subject
Verses on fear and doubt
On happiness and love
And most everything between

These verses are important
They tell us how to live our lives
And what is expected from us
To get into heaven

I know this for I have been told this many times
But somehow I still believe
These verses have their loop holes

For instance, our love,
It seems to break the mold
I have questioned this many times
And still I come to the same conclusion

As long as there is love
Bonding our hearts for eternity
We can confess for everything we have done
That has been declared sinful

We do all this, repent and rededicate,
So long as in the end
When all is said and done
We stand by our love

Love for Christ and each other
To pull us through
And in the end take us to heaven
To live happily ever after

Society

2011-02-24T20:08:00.000-06:00

Have you ever noticed
How contradicting our world is?
Many people rejoice in our bliss,
While society is opposed to what we have.
You see, our relationship is a blessing,
No longer in disguise.
Our love saved one another
From and end.
And end so dreadful
That few will ever truly grasp
How essential our love was
And is to this day.
Now tell me,
With all our love has done,
How can it be bad?
Why do we deserve to be struck down?
All because society disapproves.
In all honesty,
It is solely because
We are so young.
Well society can go to hell!
Age shouldn't matter.
Love and happiness are the important things,
At least they should be.
This is why I continue to love you
With all of my heart, soul and being
While remaining at peace
Simply because I know society is everchanging
And maybe, just maybe,
Someday we will be the trend.
And all because we fell in love
Deep, true, everlasting love
At such a young age.

True Love Changes Things

2011-02-24T18:12:00.000-06:00

I once thought
that I loved him
I once thought
that he was the one

That razor
then looked so soothing
That razor
almost ended my brief life

I met you
and everything changed
I met you
and everything looks so clear now

I realized that
I never loved him
I realized that
it was all tricks of the mind

You saved me
from self destruction
You saved me
like no one else could

You taught me
that you're the only one I could ever truly love
You taught me
that you're the person my heart has always been searching for

I am forever grateful
that you came into my life
I am forever grateful
that you will always be there

You say that
I'm all you'll ever want
You say that
I'm all you'll ever need

I love
that you say those things and mean it
I love
you

Life Story

2011-02-24T17:53:00.000-06:00

In my short existence
I have been faced with many situations
Some good but most of them bad
At least that's how it used to be

You see...
You changed all of that
You make my world perfect
You cheer me up when I am down
You love me exactly as I am

Now at the very thought of you
The biggest smile comes to my face
I could sit for hours on end
And all the time, fantasize about you
My dreams become the sweetest things
So long as you play the star role

Everything, every aspect of my life
Changed the moment I met you
Now the emptiness is gone
And for once...Just once...
I feel whole, like never before
And all because of you
My one and only, my true love
You make my life complete
I will forever be indebted to you
And all of this because
You said you love me too

Words

2011-02-24T17:47:00.000-06:00

Words...
They define and shape our lives
Without them communication would be weak
And the world would be a dark, lonely place

Words...
They can be harmful or inspirational
Many times they are spoken without thought
They can show kindness and compassion
Or spread hatred to everyone

Words...
There are too many to count
They are constantly being changed
There are books to explain them
And people to teach them

Words...
How can words do and mean so much
And yet I can't find just the right ones
To fully express my feelings for you

So Long, Goodbye

2011-02-24T17:37:00.000-06:00

For so long I tried
Comprehending who you had become
And to stop missing
The person I once loved

For so long I feared
I would never get over you
And that the ghost of our past
Would forever haunt my future

For so long I cried
Praying for the memories to fade
And hoping I would forget what we shared
Like you have forgotten me

For so long I wondered
Why I couldn't let go
And why you still held
A piece of my broken heart

For so long
I put myself through hell
And couldn't figure out why
But today an epiphany made everything come full circle

I finally realized what was wrong
Looking back on it all, my dear,
You never fought for me
Never once did you put up a fight

Instead you walked away
Just as quietly as I did
And actually, I fought for our friendship
More than you fought for our relationship

I have said all I can
Any other words
And you don't care to listen
You have moved on

Now its my turn
Not only to move on
But to embrace love and to relish
In the amazing new relationship I am in

So goodbye my dear

We may still be able to be friends
But I am putting our love in the past
For I am finally
Finding the peace through all of the pain

My Love

2011-02-24T13:07:00.000-06:00

You know I love you
You say you love me too

But what does that really mean?

Does that mean we need each other?
Does that mean we are in love?
Does that mean we will be together forever
Or that we will still love each other tomorrow?

To me it all means so much more than that

It means that forever is too short
Eternity will not come soon enough
And my heart and soul are yours
To do with as you please

My feelings are strong but the miracle is...
You feel the same

You share my every hope, dream and thought
You complete me so

My feelings will never end but my words will never do justice
Except for one little saying:
I love you more than you'll ever know!

I know...

2011-02-24T13:03:00.000-06:00

we are madly in love.
we mean the world to each other.
our feelings are completely mutual.
we are both content in this wonderful knowledge.
we want to spend the rest of our lives together.
that all of eternity with you will still leave me wanting more.
you deserve more.
you strongly disagree.
making love to you is the best experience of my life.
we are blessed to have one another.
true love never dies.
someday we will be man and wife.

My Debt

2011-02-24T13:01:00.000-06:00

Here lately I know that times have been tough
I know that my stress has brought everyone down
Knowing this I felt a strong urge to say
I am sorry for things that I've done, said, and thought
You mean the world to me but I'm afraid you'll never know
I love you so much
This world needs to know
Without you I am simply nothing
A lonely girl at the bottom of a black hole
You saved me
You are an angel from heaven
I will never be able to repay you for all that you have done
But I would like to start by saying
You are the one for me

Wedding Day

2008-11-22T21:43:00.002-06:00

No flowers, No music, No food
Last minute, thrown together plans
Standing on a stage platform
In front of a play's heaven

Small and intimate
Sixteen people in attendance
The couple and a pastor
Who baptized them both

Short and sweet
Fifteen minutes of talking
No objections
And only a couple of mistakes

Two small rings,
A heartfelt prayer,
And the exchange of vows
To legalize the contract

Nothing extravegant
To join a man and woman
As husband and wife
But it embodied the perfect symbol
For the simple love of a young couple
Eager to begin the rest of their lives

Unknown

2008-11-22T11:24:00.000-06:00

Memories haunt me, following my every move
Like two bright eyes hunting in the midst of darkness
Forcing me to look deep into orbs of danger
Unwanted reminders of the things I've done
The fear of not knowing
What is lurking behind the light
Cautiously waiting
A sitting target in the night

If I reach out will the eyes attack?
There is just too much unknown
Patience is striping away
Teaching me to embrace despair
Knowing that misery is better than no emotion at all
Wanting to break free and missing what used to be
Might just end up killing me
The past is done and gone
But here my mind and heart collide

The need to let go
To enjoy the reward of overcoming so much
It is right there waiting
But something is holding me back
The pain of life runs deep and I am still young
I have so much more to come
Future hopes intersected
By heart-cries from long ago

Tears keep falling
Voices taunt me about all I've lost
And all I risk losing by holding on
Surrendering to this unknown
Might be my only escape

Mind Reader

2008-11-20T11:13:00.004-06:00

You say you can read minds
So you must know
The hate I feel
And the way you've hurt my soul
Yelling and cursing
Pointing out every flaw
And letting anger say
Everything is my fault

If you can read minds
Then you have learned
The ways I used to hurt myself
My memories should also be yours

Memories of cutting myself,
Forcing down the alcohol,
And giving away my innocence
Should come to mind

Instead, the real me
Sits right behind a string of lies
Lies I only tell you
Because I don't think you'd approve
Of the decisions and actions that define
Your grown up little girl

You say you can read minds
Maybe its the truth
But can you honestly read mine?
You just know so little about my life

I've thought too many bad thoughts,
Told too many lies,
Made too many mistakes
For you to not hold them all against me
At every chance

So keep lying to yourself
Just like I lie to you
And maybe someday
I'll let you learn the truth

Pigtails, Cartoon Band-Aids, and Crayons

2008-07-01T23:20:00.003-05:00

Pigtails, cartoon band-aids, and crayons
Life was so much easier back then
When we could walk outside
Dressed in a striped shirt
Paired with polka-dot shorts
And no one cared

Our mommy fixed our hair
Bathed us, cooked for us,
Tucked us in tight at night
Kissed our foreheads to see if we were warm
And made sure no one
Hurt "her baby girl"

Now we're on our own
Mommy can't be there
Every time we fall down
Fevers and bad hair days
Are things we have to fix all by ourselves

Boys were super icky
Cause of all the cooties
They made us cry
By calling us mean names
And trying to kiss us
When the teacher wasn't watching

Now boys are irresistible
With their muscles and their charm
They cause our tears now
By causing heartache
And taking advantage of us
But someday we will find "the one"

As we all get older
Our innocence and vulnerability
Give way to often painful experience
We are forever changed
Pigtails, cartoon band-aids, and crayons
Those were the days

How Do You?

2008-07-01T23:12:00.003-05:00

How do you explain to someone
That you feel like you are dying inside
Without them taking it personal
Because you know that they are
The only reason
You will never completely die?

How do you tell someone
That you are afraid to love again
Without them taking it personal
Because you are more in love with them
Than you have ever,
Ever been before?

How do you expose to someone
All of your sins and short-comings
Without them taking it personal
Because you really would die inside
If they were to decide
Not to spend their life with you?

How do you allow someone
Into the depths of your heart,
While hoping they will take it personal,
When you are afraid
You will mess everything up
And lose them forever?

Just tell me...How do you?

Love

2008-04-01T15:59:00.005-05:00

Love
No other little four letter word
Has ever meant so much
Or, to some, so very little
You see I believe
Everyone thinks of love
At least once in their so called
Meaningful existence
But their opinion of love
Is as different and unique
As the tips of their very fingers
Some think of love
And see the whole nine yards
A husband and family
Standing behind that freshly painted
White picket fence
So often only dreamed about
Others think of love
And can't help but to picture
Themselves forever burning
In the pits of hell itself
For they have come to believe
That to be in love is to be in hell
Many manage to find
A median between the two extremes
They believe that their perfect person
Is out there to be found
But at the same time
Understand that they may never meet
Or live their happily ever after dream
But I . . . I think of love
And all I can do is picture you
Because in you I've found
All the love and meaning
I'll ever need to make my life complete
For you know that there have been
Many people to come and go in my life
And all the time claim to love me
But you . . . you were true
From the very beginning
And still to this day
You have never given me a single reason
To doubt your love
For your love has touched me in a way
I never thought possible
When I met you
I was ready to crash and burn
I had come to accept
That there was to be no peace in my life
Unless I took matters into my own hands
But your friendship alone saved me
Then things changed
And our feelings grew into love
Something that can only be described
As that once in a lifetime kind of love
Love that gave me a reason
To rebuild my life
And for the first time I felt
I had something real to live for
You've changed me
For what I believe to be the best
Because now I am the person
I thought I'd never aspire to become
After all I had encountered
All the pain, the lies and deception,
The walls around my heart
That had almost permanently
Became my comfort zone
To go through all of that
I was sure that strong, courageous,
Passionate and full of life
Would never describe me
But you changed all of that
You made me into the person
You fell in love with
And the person I needed to be
To in turn fall deeply
In love with you

The Distance

2008-03-30T22:35:00.005-05:00

Laying here so far away from you

Relishing in my memories of us

Makes me realize just how much

I depend on you for comfort

And happiness

There are so many miles

Between our hearts

And yet I've never

Felt so close to you

The doubts I've had before

Are now so far from my spinning mind

In turn this shows

My practical brain

That we are going the distance

Me and you

My heart belongs to you

So much so, that at times,

You control my every thought

And deepest emotion

You do so much to me

And don't even know

But you love me

More than anyone else possibly could

And that in itself

Made me love you just the same

And in the end

When the distance

Between our bodies and our souls

Has been closed for all of time

I will have no regrets

For anything I've done, said, or sacraficed

In honor of you

For everything will be justified

By the short time

I have been given on this earth

To be truly in love with you

And have the same passion

Returned far beyond

What I expected or even deserved

For I am blessed in so many ways

To have you with me

Both in my heart

And in my arms

And there you will stay

From now until eternity

Brings us together forever

To Her

2008-03-30T21:22:00.004-05:00

To the girl

Who went behind your back

Who snuck around and cheated

To the girl

Who used your love

Who took you as a fool

To the girl

Who had the world

Who turned her back and walked away

To the girl

Who wasn't satisfied

Who thought she could do better

To the girl

Who let you go

Who broke your heart

To the girl . . .

All of the girls

Who led your heart away from theirs

And right into mine

I felt I had to say thank you

For giving me all I've ever wanted

And all I'll ever need

A person so right for me

That I now feel blessed

To have been given the chance

To spend the rest of my life with

And all because that girl

Made a horrible mistake

She never knew

What she had

But now to her you are forever gone

You've left her life and dedicated yours to me

So once again to that girl

That poor pathetic girl

I thank you

For letting go and leaving me

My one and only true love

Wait for You

2008-03-30T16:42:00.004-05:00

I know I said
That I would always wait for you
Well I thought you need to know
That to this day,
For this very moment,
And for millions more
I still mean it from the bottom of my heart
I love you more than life itself
I know that at times I have doubts
And foolishly I express them
Which only makes us both paranoid
Well I am here to tell you now
That my love for you is here to stay
And from the moment our eyes first met
You've been the man I dream about
Sharing the rest of my life with
And that is how I want it to stay
Until the day we wed
For then we will be
United forever

My Thanks

2008-03-30T16:25:00.004-05:00

You've helped me

Get through so much more

Than I ever expected you to

I've set and pondered a million times

Trying to think up ways to show you

Just how grateful I am

And yet all I can do

Is say my thanks

Thanks to God

For sending me you

To be my saving grace

Thanks to the gift of love

Being planted deep into my heart

And last but not least

Thanks to you

For being there and for

Becoming my reason to move on

To walk away from the pain

And the memories of my childhood

And never look back

You see, you came

Into my life and filled a void

I never imagined anyone could fill

So once again

Thank you

For being my friend

My shoulder to cry on

The only one to make me laugh

And my one true love

Begin to Wonder

2008-03-30T16:19:00.003-05:00

So I've been thinking
About us, about love,
About our past and the future to come
Whether or not we'll really last
How some are against us
While many others congratulate us
With every passing anniversary
No matter how small
You see I just can't help
But constantly think of all these things
Over and over and over again
They over take my mind
Many times a day
I've tried to push them away
But somehow they always
Seem to come back to haunt me
And then all I can seem to do
Is ask myself why I even let
Simply unimportant things
Bother me like I do
I haven't found my answer yet
But I have learned
That I need to try
And learn to take one day at a time
And to just enjoy everyday
Because I know without a doubt
That we are completely and madly in love
The hard part, however, is just remembering that
On days I don't get to hear
Your sweet reassuring voice
To remind me just how lucky
We are to have one another
And to be alive this day,
This moment, this very second
And to have found each other so young
That we have been given a chance
To not only grow old together
But to grow up together to begin with
So next time my mind begins to wonder
All I can do is think of you
For your image will keep me going
Until I can find myself
In your arms once more

One Last Time

2008-03-29T20:02:00.001-05:00

The touch of steel against my skin
Slowly running across my wrists
Pressure building
The rage just won't stop
Must do something
Can't go on this way
Tears are falling
Filled with emptiness again
Why must it be like this
Time and time again
Calling out now
Someone help me
Stop me
Do anything
The blood begins to flow
So rich and bright against my skin
The pain, it soothes me so
My tears, they have stopped now
Finally they cease
I watch the slow drip drop
The blood still flowing
I look down and for the first time I see it
A puddle, it surrounds me
Oh no, what have I done
Why hasn't the flow stopped yet
The room is spinning
Its getting darker
I fall to the floor
I was only going to do it
One last time
But its too late
I cut too deep
Oh God, please forgive me
I've made a horrible mistake
I'm still young
Too young to die
I can barely see
The room is still fading
I begin to hear voices
They're getting closer
They are calling for me
I try to answer
Tell them I'm still here
But my mouth, it won't open
The voices, they are calling now
I don't know why I'm still alive
Aren't I . . . I take a breath
Not knowing it will be my last
I see a light
And hear a new voice now
A voice I've never heard before
He tells me I can't be let it
I never asked forgiveness for my sins
I begin to plead
Beg for mercy
But He turns and walks away
There is nothing He can do
It was my mistake
And mine alone
The light, it fades with him
All my hope is gone
I really am dead
What now?
I'm falling, it can't be
Its getting hot
Too hot to bear
I hear the crackle of fire
The smell
Oh the awful smell
I'm burning
No not this
I'm sorry, I truly am
I don't want to burn in Hell
What have I done?
Time stands still
The seconds, they become hours
And the hours slowly drift
Into eternity
I have been chained down now
I'll never get out
All my friends will go to a better place
But I
I now have to rot in Hell
Because my one last time
Really did turn into my last!

Rain

2008-03-29T19:59:00.001-05:00

It rained last night
The rain made me think of you
I dreamt that we were together again
In each others arms
Dancing in the rain
The slow and steady drops
Washed everything away
All fears and doubts
Vanished from our minds
We just had each other
So there we danced
Letting the rain cleanse us
Watching our mistakes
Fall and gather into puddles
Looking deep into each other's eyes
Hoping we are meant to be
Then it happened
The moment every girl dreams of
You kissed me in the rain
I opened my eyes
Sat up and smiled
I smiled not because of the dream
But because of reality
You've made my dreams come true

Sweet Encounter

2008-03-29T19:56:00.001-05:00

Wake me
Open the eyes
Ease the shock of early daybreak
With a lovely, hopeful presence
Escape all blinding brightness
Sliding back into seductive covers

Touch me
Caress the skin
Evoke new nd unknown emotions
From ever so soft, tender grazes
Erase all stress and tension
Night pressed deep in each muscle

Hold me
Feel the warmth
Create a comfort once longed for
In the privacy of ultimate closeness
Evade a harsh, cold reality
Laying snug in a pair of arms

Kiss me
Lip to lip
Embrace a dream-like passion
Only found in certain truth
Heighten all intimate sensations
With a sweet, lingering taste

Look at me
Watch every move
Reacting to each simple gesture
Cascading into a sweet encounter
Encouraging what is to cme
Using all pleasurable means necessary

Love me
Till death do part
Unlike anything ever before felt
Deep into a sense of fantasy
Beyond robotic grasps of humanity
Into an uncontrolled, everlasting realm

Loving You

2008-03-29T16:17:00.001-05:00

Cryptic thoughts

Hopes of living a different life

Inspirations of angry words

Create fantasies engaged in lonelines

Searching for escape

From the depths of a dark min

Anything to walk out

With options of never coming home

Untold fears

Worries of rushed love

Past regrets still lingering

Among a blossoming relationship

Moments rust into memories

Distance just deepening discouragement

In an already worn heart

Sacred dreams

Longing to keep such sentiment

Confusions must dissipate

Becoming an internal enemy

Despite all fears and tears

And previously written lines

Dreams of loving you

Override even the darkest mind